Dick is putting together the mother of all joke sites!

Everybody gets a million of ‘em daily in their e-mail, but frankly, some of them are pretty crummy. Dick doesn’t know much…but he knows funny. So send your favorite, tasteless jokes today, and you’ll get credit for it right here on the site. Then, you can brag to your friends about how cool you think you are and you’ll have the (questionable) proof to back it up!

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Your mama's so fat that when she jumped in the Atlantic ocean, the whales started singing, "we are family even though your bigger than me."

Added By : Sydney

A blonde walks into to her office crying. her boss walks in and says, "What's wrong?" The blonde replies, "My mom died this morning." The boss gives her a hug and says, "Well why don't you take the day off and I'll come buy your house later and bring you lunch." The blonde thanks him and goes home.

Later that afternoon the boss drives over to the blondes house with some lunch. The blonde opens the door and the boss notices that the blonde is crying even harder than she was that morning. the boss asks, "Now what's wrong?" the blonde replies, "I just found out that my sister's mom died too."

Added By : Private

What kind of Bee's give milk?

Answer: Boo Bees

Added By : rezsox1@yahoo.com

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

Added By : Bored...

Once upon a time, there was a bar. Inside the bar, there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie, the mirror would suck you in. One day, a brunette walked into the bar, went up to the mirror and said, 'I think I'm the beautiful woman in the world," and it sucked her in.

The next day, a redhead came into the bar, went up to the magic mirror and said, "I think I am the most beautiful woman in the world," and it sucked her in.

Then, on the 3rd day, a blonde girl walks into the bar, goes up to the magic mirror and says, "I think ..." and it sucked her in.

Added By : Amazingly Awesome

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to
make their
days interesting and an old guy said: Well, for example, the
other day I went downtown and went into a shop. I was only in
there for
about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out
a
parking ticket I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how
about
giving a retired person a break"?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called
him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started writing another ticket
for
having worn tires.

So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He fi nished the
second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then
he started
writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the
more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came
downtown on the
bus and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper
sticker that
said "Obama in '08." I try to have a little fun each day now
that I'm retired.
It's important to my health.

Added By : Romulo L.

Yer mama is soooo old....she sat behind jesus in the 5th grade!

Added By : milfy mama

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap. "Well...", the doctor says, "I can clearly see you're nuts!"

Added By : myspace.com/paulallodi

A woman was walking through the woods when she came across a leprechaun caught in a trap. The leprechaun said, "If you release me, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the leprechaun who said, "Thank you. You now have three wishes. And whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more."

The woman said, "I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world."

The Leprechaun warned her, "Your husband will be the most handsome man in the world. Women will flock to him."

The woman replied, "That's ok. I trust my husband."

So, poof!--she became the most beautiful woman in the world. For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The leprechaun said, "That will make your husband 10 times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's ok. We'll share our money."

So, poof!--she became the richest woman in the world. The leprechaun then inquired about her third wish. She answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Added By : Josh C

This guy and girl have been dating for a while and the guy is starting to get frustrated because they have not had sex yet.
She calls him one afternoon and tells him that they are going to have dinner with her parents. And if he does this she will have sex with him.
The guy hangs up the phone and runs to the pharmacy to buy a whole bunch of condoms. He goes up to the Pharmicist and says, "My girlfriend said if I put up with her lame family we could finally have sex. So, as you can see I am buying a lot of condoms because it's going to be a late night." The Pharmicist rings up his stuff and hands him the bag.
Later that night, they arrive at the girl's parents' house and they sit down to dinner. Her father asks him to say grace.
After a 7 minute prayer, his girlfiend leans over and says, "I didn't know you were so spiritual." He leans over and says "I didn't know your dad was a Pharmicist."

Added By : mental_dental

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